Between The Lines
Chapter Two
Sage slipped through the woods near his home, the pretense of merely wandering in his body language. His arms swung naturally by his sides, his shoulders relaxed. His steps were easy; he didn't rush, he didn't linger. He also didn't tell the truth. There was a reason he was going where he was going. Sage just wasn't ready to admit it to himself quite yet.
Sage had always preferred to be brutally honest, internally and externally, although his outer self usually managed it with a mode of decorum that befitted his station in life. So it was with almost embarrassment that he continued his trek, a walk he'd made every day now for almost two weeks. Was he hiding something from Rowen? Of course. But Rowen didn't get to know that until Sage had managed to resolve the issue himself. After all, just because they were all in this together didn't mean that they all had to know exactly what was going on in each of them.
"As if you know what's going on with you," Sage muttered under his breath, a slight bitterness in his tone chilling the otherwise warm day. Sage pulled his light jacket tighter around his body, steps slowing slightly. He came to a stop in a small clearing. It wasn't much, just a couple feet of bare ground beneath the trees that loomed overhead. Yet here he had been coming for weeks now, draw by something inexplicable. Something more than he could understand.
Sage moved into the clearing and sat down gingerly on the hard packed dirt, shifting so not to sit directly on any unearthed tree roots. Last time he'd not paid enough attention and had ended up with an inconvenient and mildly embarrassing bruise. Settling down, Sage folded his legs and arms peacefully about him, feeling the breeze gently stir through the woods. He closed his eyes, letting his body melt within him, until he felt whole and at peace. His mind drifted…
He drifted…the wind brushed his face with feathery touches and the heat of the sunlight filtered through the leaves, warming his skin. The sounds of nature were quiet here; the rustling of leaves, the chirping of insects, the trilling song of a small blue bird. All quiet and soothing. Sage drifted…
He drifted, feeling his mind starting to go fuzzy, his concentration leaving. The warmth on his skin increased and lulled him into a sense of security, of well-being. His mind flicked back and forth from images rising unbidden. Moments as a child, playing in the sand. Moments as a young man, confused and angry, inwardly fighting his demons. Moments as a young man, now outwardly fighting demons. Moments as an old man, reflecting back on his life, sighing one last sigh as he laid his demons to rest. Moments of life and love and places he'd seen and never seen. Touches of fingertips across his brow, lovers' hands he'd never known. Yet he knew them. He knew them as he drifted.
He drifted…the world around him shifted in color and spectrum. He moved within his world, breathing and tasting and living on a level he'd previously never known. He drifted but faster, exhilarating in the feelings. The warmth on his skin increased.
Deep down a voice was warning him that this was wrong. That he was losing control. But he didn't know what he wasn't in control of. The warmth on his skin increased, hot now, but it sank into his bones, filling him in a way he'd never been warm. He glowed from the inside out, for there was no darkness left in him. No darkness, no worry no fear, no demons. The light would rid them, the light would show him how. He didn't drift, he spun. The world spun around him, blinding colors of the spectrum blending with an intensity that he couldn't escape. It was too bright but that didn't matter. He was full with…with…
He spun faster. The light became a pristine white. It hurt. It was too bright. Still he spun.
He spun faster. He hurt. Something was wrong. This was wrong. But it was so much, it filled him, his life was so much now…
He spun faster still. He screamed. This was more than he could take. This wasn't beauty, was it? Could something so good hurt this much? Would it end up tearing him to shreds? Ripping him from the inside out until there was nothing left of the Sage that had once existed? Is that who he even was anymore?
Your name is Sage, a voice whispered. He whimpered as he spun. Sage, your name is Sage, called the voice. Desperately he tried to slow the spinning, to escape this trap he was in. This was so wrong…he screamed one last time as he lost all control of himself, and then everything went black.
Sage woke up on the ground in the shady clearing, on his side and curled up into a ball. His head pounded and his body was shaking, his mind completely disoriented. Weakly Sage pushed himself up into a sitting position and looked around. Everything was the same as when he'd entered the clearing but there was no noise in the surrounding area. The silence was almost as unnerving as tremors that shook his body. Taking several deep breaths, Sage forced himself to sit erect and compose himself. Each time it was worse. It was like meditation, and then he would be somewhere else. Experiencing something else. It left him terrified every time, but like a drug he kept coming back for more. He'd never had an addictive personality, and he told himself that the physical rush wasn't why he kept coming back. That he just needed to know what it was about that certain spot that made those things happen. It wasn't about the rush of energy. It wasn't. He just needed to know…
You're a liar.
Sage had always been brutally honest and it sometimes caught up with him. He wondered if this was all connected to the new Halo armor. Wasn't it supposed to not be evil? Wasn't the whole point that it wouldn't corrupt them? Or was it that pure goodness could be as painful and terrifying as pure evil? Were mortals made to be able to withstand either? Each time he came here, he experienced just a little more until he reached his breaking point. Each time had left him as physically drained as he was now, but still with a sense of fullness and readiness. Like he was being prepared.
Prepared for what?
Did it matter?
As long as he could still get that rush…
Sage snapped his head up at the thought, appalled with himself. That thought went against his entire being. He was all about control and he refused to let himself lose that for some armor induced energy rush.
"Was this what Ryo went through with the Inferno armor?" Sage asked himself softly, standing and brushing himself off carefully. "I always thought he fought himself so much just because of his own personality. It never occurred to me how that must've felt, fighting for each breath."
Sage walked to the edge of the clearing and turned around, looking one last time. Rowen was right, even though Sage hadn't been ready to admit it. The new armors were calling to them and that call got stronger every day. But there was no danger that he could see except for that which stood right in front of him: the armors themselves. Yes, Sage wasn't convinced that good wasn't just as powerful and destructive as evil. His mind told him that unless there was an overwhelming need, the Halo armor should remain untouched. His gut told him that they would still end up using them anyways. His heart was sick at the thought. Quietly, Sage turned and left the woods as he'd found them. Oddly enough, it wasn't until he was long gone that the small blue bird got up the courage to sing again.
Rowen had always enjoyed taking naps whenever he could, and he had the perfect opportunity between his quantum mechanics class and his scheduled lab time to do just that. But like every day at this time in the afternoon for the last two weeks, Rowen couldn't relax. He was jumpy, nerves beyond the normal graduate student stress getting to him. Each time, just out of habit, he called the other guys to make sure that they were okay. Each time they were, although it always took a little longer for Sage to return his call than the other guys. Cye had told him yesterday that he was becoming a mother hen, to which Rowen had told him where to stick it and had hung up.
Still each day it got a little worse around this time and Rowen had narrowed down where the feelings were coming from. And whatever blondie had been up to, Rowen was about ready for him to stop it. Naps at his age were few and far between and he'd deliberately set up his semester schedule for this time slot of peacefulness. Not bothering to call anyone else, especially not Cye, Rowen picked up the phone and dialed Sage's cell. This time instead of going straight to voicemail, at the third ring quiet male voice answered.
"Hello Rowen," Sage said, his voice sounding slightly off to Rowen.
"You didn't even look to see who it was, did you Sage?" Rowen demanded.
"Why would I need to? You do these little check ups every afternoon."
"Then maybe you should stop doing whatever it is that you are doing then," came the blunt reply. There was silence on the other end for a long moment before Rowen heard Sage sigh softly.
"Okay, fine, you win Rowen. I've just been overstressed with my family and it's just coming through to you because we're the closest. That's all. It's embarrassing so I didn't feel like bringing it up."
"That was too easy," Rowen said abruptly. "Either you're lying or something's really wrong."
"I don't lie Rowen, can we not talk about this on the phone please?" Sage asked, sounding very tired.
"You're right, you don't lie, you just bend everyone's perceptions and then smile when they have no idea what's going on. It's a defense mechanism, little boy, now tell me what's going on or I'm going to go over there and kick your bleach blonde butt."
"My butt's not hairy Rowen."
"What does that matter?"
"If it's not hairy then it can't be bleached blonde. Now can we please not talk about this over the phone please?"
"Why? No one can overhear. Now who's being paranoid?"
"Rowen…" Sage's voice was starting to sound exasperated.
"Seiji. Please."
Silence. Then another sigh.
"Okay, fine Touma. You win. But please, not on the phone. And not at the coffee shop either. Just come to my family's dojo and we can talk. Just please don't get the other guys involved, okay?"
"Okay, buddy. I'll be there after lab."
"Fine. Bye Rowen."
"Later Sage."
"Hey Rowen?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks."
"No problem." Across the town two phones hung up at the same time, and two young men felt equal senses of relief. Relief tinged with a disconcerting feeling a little too close to fear.